Learn how each of them can help you on your journey

Last time, we discussed how you can view goal setting in regards to growing your sales.  Here’s the link to the article “Goal Setting in Sales” and the Podcast.  This article will help you understand the seven individuals we talk about today.

Watch any documentary on high achieving individuals and undoubtedly, there will be people in their lives who were critical to their success along the way.  Positive and negative motivators.  A supportive single mom who works three jobs to get her kid ice time to be an Olympic skater.  Michael Jordan’s high school basketball coach who cut him from the team.  The kid who bullied the future linebacker for being small.  The manager who reached out at the darkest moment in your career.

Notice I didn’t call them good or bad motivators.  I used the term positive and negative because we need both in our journey.  The key is for you to know which one you need at different levels of your climb to the top.

A positive reinforcer, when you are being lazy, is not helpful.  A “quit your bellyaching” negative reinforcer is not helpful when you are at rock bottom and all your hopes appear dashed.  The problem is that people around us are well meaning, but they may only know one way to respond to a person about reaching their goals.

You need to know those people around you and how they react in these types of situations.  Select who you think you need at different stages on your climb.  Let’s dig into the different types of coaches, supporters, motivators and helpful friends.

1. The “Crab Pot” Gang: negative

The crab pot theory is a commonly used reference to our peers being like a pot of crabs.  Apparently,when crabs are in a pot, they could each individually climb out.  However, as one climbs the wall of the pot, the other crabs grab on and use it as leverage to try and climb out also.  Thus, none of them get out.  The analogy is that, along your journey, there are going to be (typically coworkers) that don’t want you to get out or they want to keep you from outshining them.  So, they diminish your goals and accomplishments.  It’s tough to make these folks a helpful resource.  Simply recognizing what is going on will help you defeat their efforts.  Smile, nod and move on.

2. The “You can do it” Coach: positive

Remember the classic character played by Rob Schneider in all those movies where he yells out, “You can do it!”  Funny character, but this is a critical coaching role in your journey.  When you have never done something before or when no one has done something before, it’s unknown “if” it can be done.  You will need someone you respect to confirm you and have faith in you.  Maybe not Rob Schneider, but someone in your organization will be willing to fill that role.

3. The “Aim bigger” Cheerleader: pos/neg

I labeled this as both positive and negative.  If you consistently aim too low, they are great.  If you habitually aim too high, this person can push you into an unreasonable goal.  They are well meaning, but need to be tempered a bit as their judgment can be off a little.  This is definitely one of those individuals you want to bring in at just the right time.  Like a symphony, you bring in the percussion or the winds at precisely the right time (FYI – I know very little about the symphony beyond my kid’s band recitals).

4. The “Shame you into a bigger goal” Manager: mostly negative unless you are sandbagging (setting low goals so you don’t have to work very hard)

I can count on one hand the number of times a manager came back to me with my projected goals for the next year and wanted me to lower them.  Before passing judgment on my goal setting, I assure you I have reached some great personal and professional goals.  My struggle is that I like to live up to what I say I will do.  Based on my DISC profile and how I like to set goals, I feel very accountable to them.  This makes me want to set them a tad low for what I submit.  However, I hold the overall bigger goal in the back of my mind as achievable.  Again, read last week’s blog to understand my reference.

5. The “Enabler” Friend: pos/neg

Again, this person can be both positive and negative.

On the positive, this person advises you to take it easy and slow down.  They give the “Rome wasn’t built in a day” type advice.  For the over-achiever in the world, this is the single greatest person to have as a coach.  In most cases, as mine, it’s a spouse.  It may be a parent or another close family member.  Whoever it is, you trust them and share your greatest goals with them.  When you are pushing too hard and need a rest, this is who you need in your corner.

On the negative, this person is like the crabs in the crab pot.  They want you to take it easy like they do so everyone gets by with less effort.  Unfortunately, that leads to lower results.  If you are someone who needs help setting bigger goals, watch out for this person as they can derail your journey.

6. The “Something in your teeth” Friend: positive

We all need this friend in our lives.  They are those friends that ground us in reality.  They tell us exactly how it is.  Ever have something stuck in your teeth and no one told you?    This is the friend that lets you know.  Now, that’s a real friend.  There’s no sugar coating here.  These individuals make for great peer or mastermind groups.

7. Internet memes: pos/neg/nonsense

Yes, the internet, where we get all of our answers in life.  Well meaning LinkedIn posts and Facebook memes will blanket your mind all day long.  The problem is that they are all over the motivation map in your mind:  Some positive, some shaming, and some are nonsense.  Here are just a few that popped up on my LinkedIn feed this morning as I prepared to write this:

• “Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will”. Good point but we all have doubt.
• “Never get so busy making a living that you forget to have a life”. Again, good point, but reaching great dreams requires a lot of effort/time/sweat equity.  The laser focus needed to achieve great goals comes at a sacrifice to other activities.
• “The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high but that it is too low and we reach it”. Spoken like a true “Aim Bigger” Cheerleader.  Know when to embrace this thought and when to discard it.  Read my last article which focused on setting achievable goals on your journey to the top.
• “Winners focus on winning. Losers focus on winners”. Absolute garbage advice.  This statement alone, without explanation should be deleted as fast as you read it.  My guess is that it is referring to jealousy, which makes the meme somewhat helpful.  However, you have to infer that.  When you are making a journey to the top, it’s very prudent to look at those that succeeded.  It’s not always the same journey, but why not see how the winners accomplished their climb?

Where does that leave you?  How do you know who to seek out for advice, coaching and friendship?

Great questions that only you can answer.  The main goal of this article is to point out that only you can know who you need and when.  Coach yourself.  Don’t rely on one singular approach or person to help you all the way to the top.  Pull in the seven people listed above, when you need them.

Lastly, when you are sitting on top of that mountain and relishing your efforts, please make a point to go back and thank those that helped you, even the negative ones.

__________________________________________________________________________________________